Direktlänk till inlägg 9 oktober 2010
Who's this girl staring back at me? All teared up, that can't be me? When did she become me? It can't be. I must be wrong... but that's my eyes isn't it? I use to be strong, where did all that go? I've been holding it up for so long so why now? I can't carry the whole world on my shoulders, I use to but I can't. I'm fighting with all I got, I'm screaming to the top of my lungs, I'm moving as fast as I can but still, that's not enough. Whatever I'll do or however I'll do it, I'll lose. So where do I go when the road comes to its end? I'm trying to build this wall to hold back the tears. Where do they come from? I thought I'd ran out of them? It's relieving to let it out but it hurts, so bad. Not being able to cry for over a year and now crying three times a day... it's like lighting struck down when the sun was still shining. Like it forgot it's apointment with the world.
I've never felt this bad in my whole life and you're asking me if I'm moody? I thought you were the one who understood me, the only one I could turn to. I need you more than ever and you're sick? Who do I turn to now?
Are you happy now? I'm broken. I've lost myself and I can't find my way again. I hate you, do you understand? I wish you were dead. I'm tied to you but I've let go, long time ago. I've given up all hope there was. You're suppose to love me but I'm not gonna force you because I can't even stand you, I play it fair. You've completely destroyed all that I am or were. My soul is now lying in pieces on the ground and it's you who's holding the hammer. I'm blaming you because it was your mouth that said all those words and you will never, ever be able to take them back. Next to you I feel so small, like I don't matter. It's not that you don't see me, even though I sometimes wish it was. I don't get to have my own oppinion and whatever I'll say, you'll laugh... so maybe I should just shut the hell up. Maybe I should go and sit in a corner and be absolutely quiet, I would drag the old blanket over me so I wouldn't exist. I don't want to be a part of this but I am, involuntary. I won't let the music in my ears stop 'cause then I'll feel your hard words hitting against the thin skin that's left, covering up my soul. You made this girl.
Nej hörni, nu drar jag. Jag flyttar till Devote så ägna er överflödiga fritid på min blogg där istället. Puss! NY BLOGG, KLICKA HÄR! ...
Fick en kommentar som förvånade mig i fredags, av Lovisa. "Du har blivit jättedålig på att blogga". Men asså jag blir förvånad för att någon överhuvudtaget läser min blogg så nu får jag väll ta tag i det här för er som faktiskt gör det. ...
Elin åkte hem för en stund sen, haft ett danspass i typ 2 och en halvtimme, skönt! Det är det faktiskt! Hur äckligt svettig och trött man än blir så måste jag erkänna att det är grymt kul. Jag älskar att dansa sen är det bara den där delen med att va...
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